eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place. koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs
oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because
1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone’s doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die
2) idiots can’t die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker’s lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin dark!steve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em
by the way i never elaborated on “koalas sit in trees all day screaming” but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like
My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book “The Killer Koala: Humorous Australian Bush Stories” By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala’s “Anti-Dingo Defense”, wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves around until they’ve got thier head in the Dingo’s crotch, and then procede to BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo’s Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and projectile-evacuating thier bowels,
Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked into ‘rescuing’ a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects of a date.
*me, owning a strange boutique housegoods/book store selling a variety of mystic, occult objects but no one realizes I live there, this is literally my living room*
How much for this stick I can shake at God?
10 bucks
can i get these three backscratchers with a bundle discount
15% discount for 3 or more
How bout this book? I think it’s look cool with a cosplay I’m planning
40 bucks but never attempt to read or open it
How much is the doll?
Oh that? Just take it. Take it far far away and do not allow it to return
How about this?
$29.99. Just be careful not to leave the candles burning at night, the gremlin comes alive and likes to wander around and go through your stuff
Hey this chair looks cool, how much?
the chair chooses its owner. sit down and see if it likes you
the Drake and Millie situation? why is this being allowed to happen. I know it happens all over the world but here – right in the public eye it’s happening and nobody is thinking anything of it??? Or are turning a blind fucking eye??
Jorja is only just now 21 and Bella Harris is only 18.
dont lie to yourselves this IS as digusting as it sounds and these people had sex with these girls probably at the age they met them… maximum a year after.. not EVEN a couple years
The father’s artistic talent is clearly on display here, but I’m actually really impressed with this kid’s wild imagination. Many of his drawings are both conceptually unique and coherent.
Mermaids with hair over their eyes are usually from deeper waters. The sea floor has almost no light, so deep sea mermaids (few of which have functional eyes) visiting the surface would be blinded by the sun.
To mermaids, covering their eyes with hair is similar to sunglasses.
Deep sea mermaids are also shy, accustomed to dark waters for hiding their monstrous appearances.
Freshwater Mermaid: Howdy y’all, I’d like you to meet my cousin. She’s a little shy 🙂 30ft Tall Deep Sea Mermaid with hair so long it turns the water black: ᴴᵉʷʷᵒ
ART PROMPT
This was very messy but its 2:29am what more do you want from me
She is my exact hero
Hungover freshwater mermaids wishing they had blackout hair like their cousins
Pulling from my limited memory of Marine Biology class, the characteristics of a mermaid from the hadopelagic zone (Sea floor, lowest parts of the ocean) would be:
Absolutely no eyes. There’s no light to see by when you’re that far down, so eyes would be rendered useless.
HUGE mouths, the huger the better. Again, you can’t see anything down there, so most of what you eat is stuff that just kinda falls into your mouth. Bigger mouth=more of a chance to catch something.
Gigantic size, as was touched upon above. One theory for why this is, is that a larger body helps you withstand the immense water pressure that is constantly crushing you when you live so deep underwater.
Fat, very fat. The ocean floor is a buffet, as anything that dies either gets eaten by another animal or sinks down to the bottom. Whale carcasses are usually found down in the deep with a large variety of animals all snacking on it. Also, you won’t be moving around all that much since unnecessary movement is just a waste of energy.
Now, if you want to have your mermaid have gigantic, unnervingly blank eyes, along with bioluminescence for the added aesthetic, then the more shallower parts of the deep ocean would be more suitable. That way you have a little light to see by, and therefore both your eyes and your bioluminescence have a purpose.
*cracks knuckles* Time for Suzy’s redesign.
coming this summer to theatres near you:
Suzy 2: Electric Spookaloo
Don’t worry she’ll still be the same sweetheart we know and love 💜
this post will be updated as I find more websites to add! please check with the original before reblogging to see if there’s an updated version, and message me with more suggestions if you have them!!
for general use
joinmastodon.org – basically like if twitter and discord had a child??
myspace.com – yes, it still exists, i’m just as surprised as you
soup.io – very similar to tumblr, plus it can import your tumblr blog
EDIT: SOUP BROKEN. a lot of people are reporting issues with creating accounts or that the website is totally broken.
twitter.com – allows posting both text and photos in sets, allows retweets
livejournal.com – still an option, but questionably safe for fandom
wordpress.com – old and well-established, often considered the default
geared towards artists and photographers
deviantart.com – huge community, allows posting art + sorting into folders
flickr.com – great community for photographers, can join groups
furaffinity.net – similar to DA but for furries, easy to display commish info
instagram.com – photo and video posts, excellent tag search
piczel.tv – allows both streaming and posting art / photosets to a gallery
pixiv.net – huge anime art community, allows livestreaming
paid platforms
patreon.com – subscription-based access to many diff types of content
pillowfort.io – still in beta, but should function almost identically to tumblr
typepad.com – similar to wordpress but with reblogging and a dash
ways to save your current tumblr posts
use the wayback machine! you do have to archive each page of your blog individually but once you do all the content, including media, will be saved exactly as it was at the moment you archived it.
wordpress and soup both allow you to directly import whole tumblr blogs, and if i recall correctly it’s something both dreamwidth and pillowfort have said they are working on.
if you have some knowledge of computers you can try this github solution which uses a python script to download your whole blog to your computer. even if you don’t know anything about programming or the command line they give a very good beginners tutorial on how to use it so you should still give it a shot!
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