Tag: preach

nickbilz:

chescaleigh:

reverseracism:

welcometonegrotown:

It’s an extremely popular opinion among middle and upper class white people.

Also, aside from this completely uneducated reasoning as to why minimum wage was created…

I can guarantee that there are tens of thousands of teenagers who have to pay bills and help support their families or are the only financial supporter to their family.

not to mention, if minimum wage was meant solely for high school students how would the business survive when students are in school?? are they only supposed to be open on the weekend? this “unpopular opinion” makes no sense.

Unpopular fact: in the 70s a minimum wage worker could pay for college with a summer job.

Unpopular fact: minimum wage was conceived to be the minimum amount of money a person would need to support themselves and their families when working 40 hours per week.

Unpopular fact: minimum wage was created because working men and women in this nation fought–figuratively in the negotiating room and literally in the streets–for a fair working wage, with sweat and blood and tears and death.

Unpopular fact: military service personnel are not the only people who have fought and died for your rights as American: labor leaders and common workers laid down their lives so that you could have a 40 hour work week instead of 80 hours; so you could have a 2 day weekend instead of none; so you could have lunch and bathroom breaks instead of going hungry and shitting your pants,; so you could have a three day weekend in September.

Capitalism would NEVER dole out basic human decency without literal human sacrifice.

tariqah:

silent-tsu:

tariqah:

snoodnetwork:

tariqah:

Hot take but religious schools should not be legally allowed to exist at all. Nuns should not be allowed to be educators like that

If you’re talking about Christian schools just say so, don’t say “religious” and lump everything together

I mean every kind of religious school including madrasahs and all of that. I don’t believe children should be indoctrined at a young age an I don’t think they should spend time learning about religion when they can’t even count to 100.

so children should learn about the objective truth of numbers and the set of integers but shouldn’t learn about the objective truth of the existence of God? what a laughable suggestion

Anyway this is what happens when you focus on religion like that avoid being like silent-tsu right here

tarot-sybarite:

lettersfromeleanorrigby:

aria-jane-cherry:

jennikeatts:

w0rldweaver:

soloveitchik:

pbrim:

iammyfather:

nerdymouse:

lesbwian:

Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞

Jesus, leave his ass.

We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.

My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning.  They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.

This is so sad

This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user

Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.

Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”

My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time

It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother

Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.

After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:

  • The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
  • Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
  • Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
  • What brand butter we bought
  • What brand of local kielbasa we bought
  • Who his doctor was
  • What RMV office had the shortest lines
  • Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
  • The phone number for his best friend

I shit you not.

Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.

Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.

Millennial women of Tumblr, please read this post.

And then please: make the decision for yourself to never stay with a man who expects you to be his mother and servant.

alyssumflowers:

hangoverchunt:

dendritic-trees:

jenroses:

auntbutch:

redeyestakewxrning:

auntbutch:

if someone does the “fine, you’re right, i’m clearly a terrible person, i’m satan, i’m the worst person alive, i should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate ppl and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim

stop tolerating this in 2k17 tbh. like really and truly, if you or your friend thinks this is okay pls call the hotline on the bottom of the screen and learn how to take responsibility for your bad behavior 

The bad thing is I do this on a regular basis. Not because I want to manipulate people, but because that’s actually how I feel. I’m bad at receiving concrit. I can’t say that everyone who reacts this way feels the same as I do, but…not every case is like that.

have you considered that, regardless of your intentions, reacting in such an exaggerated way would make it very difficult for anyone to criticize you or tell you that you’re harming people with your behavior? i’m not interested in searching out people’s motives, i don’t really care why someone does or says manipulative things. being unable or unwilling to simply apologize and not make it about themselves is a solid indicator that a person is not interested in being held accountable for their bad behavior, and people, especially the injured parties in question, shouldn’t have to tolerate it.

take responsibility for your bad behavior 2k17 tbh

Okay, life lesson time. 

When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I kept getting involved with people who would say, “Oh, I’m a bad person” any time I brought up ANYTHING that was the least bit of a disagreement. 

Like, “Please don’t leave my X on the floor” would get, “Oh, I’m a horrible person!”

HERE’S WHY THIS IS A HUGELY PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR, and if you think I”m calling you out and you think you’re about to shut down, take a breath, remember that this is about learning, and keep reading.

What is important is what happened after. My boyfriend might say, “Oh, I’m just an awful boyfriend” and instead of him acknowledging the BEHAVIOR and working on fixing it, he’d get me trying to buck him up for the next half hour, telling him he was a good person. The behavior that started it all would not change.

Well, things led to things and I went back home to live for a while, and found that the same exact thing was happening… with my mother.

And then I learned about pattern arguments. Pattern arguments are the ones where you keep having the same nonproductive argument over and over again. They don’t all follow this pattern, but this is a really common one.

The trick?

BREAK THE PATTERN

First you have to know what the pattern is. In this case:
1. Grievance
2. Self deprecation
3. Ego stroking

So, with my mother, we started in on one of these, and she said, “I guess I’m just a terrible mother.”

And instead of reassuring her, instead of derailing the issue and letting it go… I said, “When you say that, it makes me wonder how terrible a daughter I could be that you would think you were a bad mother. We have this conversation this way over and over, and the problem that I have always gets pushed aside in favor of trying to make you feel better. When you’re willing to have a real conversation about this, I’m happy to talk to you, but I’m bored with this argument, so I’ll see you later if you want to really talk.” And I left the room.

Now, my mom is a reasonably self-aware person, and does a lot of hard emotional work, and so she got it, very quickly. 10 minutes later she came out and found me, and we had a real conversation about whatever the hell the issue really was, and we have literally NEVER had that particular pattern argument again in 23 years. 

Boyfriend came to visit. I was upset about something, he started in on the “I’m just a shitty boyfriend” thing… and my response?

“Yep. You are.”

His jaw dropped. He blinked.

And I said, “Look, that’s what you do. You say shit like that and it means you don’t have to change your behavior, and I’m tired of the pattern we have where I tell you something isn’t working for me, you tell me you’re terrible, and I spend half an hour making you feel better. I’m tired of it and I”m not doing it anymore. If you’re willing to have an actual conversation about this, and not just the same old argument, I’m game. But this thing we do where you talk yourself down and I butter you up? Is boring. And I’m over it.”

We also did not have that argument again. (The relationship finally ended for real a while after, but it ended in a grown-up way, and not with a ridiculous meaningless fight.)

When you knock yourself down, the gut instinct for the people around you is to pick you up. But that means you’re not pulling your weight in the relationship. You’re making them do the work and you’re not actually hearing them.

So that brings us to another point:

How to deal with criticism

Okay, so if you’re not going to knock yourself down when someone says something negative about you, what DO you do? We don’t actually train people to take criticism well. But it is an art and a skill and NECESSARY to finding emotional stability in the face of a critical world.

I see it as a flow chart, but since the flow chart I made for it ended up in a book that I don’t own the copyright to (not a big deal) I’ll write out the decision tree here instead:

1. Someone offers criticism (constructive or not!)

2. Listen and think about it without immediately trying to defend yourself. You can say, “Okay, I need a moment to take that in and think about it because I want to understand it.” Or something else appropriate to the situation. It is okay to ask for time to think in most circumstances. Most people will appreciate that you are thinking about their words instead of immediately getting defensive or counterattacking. Think about whether what they are saying is valid, might be valid or is not valid. 

3A. If it is valid, then you have a choice. You can try to fix the behavior or you can acknowledge that it is a valid criticism but decide you aren’t likely to fix it. Start by acknowledging the validity of the criticism, and then say what you’re going to do to fix it, or say that it’s valid but it isn’t something you’re willing (or possibly able) to change, or say that it’s a valid criticism and you’ll need to think about possible solutions. They may have a suggestion. Taking it or not is also a choice. 

3B. If you’re not sure it’s valid, but it might be, tell them, “I really need to give this some more thought.” or “Can you tell me more about this? I’m not sure I understand the issue well.”  Or “If you can point me at some reading material or search terms, I’d like to study this before I decide what I’m going to do.” 

3C. If you know it is not a valid criticism, STOP a moment, and look at WHY they are making it. This is where Active Listening can be very helpful. “I hear you saying that X is a problem. I don’t see it that way right now but I’d like to understand better why you do.” Or if you think they don’t have enough information, “I hear you saying X, but my understanding of the issue is Y. Here’s what I know about it if you’re ready to listen.” If they’re just looking for a fight, tell them you’re not interested in fighting, and disentangle yourself. 

4. If the criticism is something you are going to listen to and take action on, tell them what kind of action you’re going to take. If it’s something you’re hearing and thinking about, tell them that. If it’s not something you’re going to do anything about or it’s just wrong, thank them for their input and move on.

Literally never is it going to be helpful to say, “Oh, I’m just a terrible person.” That’s very much like a nonapology-apology in terms of how unhelpful it is to any conversation. It’s kind of worse because it actually expects emotional labor from someone who is already having to bring up something unpleasant with you.

Think about what they say
Decide whether you’re going to do something about it
Do the thing, or tell them you’re not going to do the thing. 
Don’t demand emotional labor from other people when you were the one who messed up. 

Apologize if appropriate. 

This is all predicated on the notion that you’re talking to someone who actually wants to communicate and isn’t just an asshole on the attack. 

Because seriously, the whole “I’m a terrible person” thing? 

Boring as fuck. Knock that shit off. Maybe you are. Maybe you aren’t. But take responsibility and have a little self-respect and don’t make others pick your emotional dirty towels off the metaphorical bathroom floor. 

Yeah, I want to reiterate all of the above, because I feel like the top post doesn’t do an especially good job of conveying that mostly when people do this its not on purpose, its generally because they’re feeling real distress.

Its just that it doesn’t matter.

If every single criticism of you ends in an emotional crisis, you become uncriticisable, and its unbelievably difficult to deal with someone when you can ask them to stop doing something, or to fix something.

9 times out of 10 when someone asks you to stop doing something, or fix a behaviour, its not that big a deal, they were a little upset, they said something about it, and a quick apology and not doing it again, or even just making a sincere effort to do it less, and they’ll probably not even think about it again.

And yeah, it can feel really, really bad to realize you’ve upset someone, even if its only a little bit. But it is unbelievably difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who makes all their feelings your problem. Not because it means you’re evil, or abusive, or being deliberately manipulative, but because most people just don’t have enough emotional energy to process for two. They just don’t.

This would have been amazing to have when I was 16 and an arsehole, but thank God for the people who helped me break that behaviour.

This. I figured it out on my own at some point that, due to my low self-esteem, I was doing this internally. I wouldn’t say it out loud and so it wasn’t manipulative, but it still wasn’t helpful at all. Neither was my original method of “oh look at the ways I’ll be amazing and better to make it for it” that never actually got done. But forcing myself to stop, listen, breathe, and assimilate the information, without getting emotional or upset or focusing on my feelings too much, has seriously helped me analyze myself and my behavior so much more.

simon-nuncio:

gokuma:

transboysunited:

transadvicegroup:

spyhops:

stephrc79:

howler32557038:

Since joining Tumblr, I’ve met a lot of young queer people. Look, I’m a bisexual man in a gay relationship, and I’m approaching 30. I was still a kid when Matthew Shepard’s story was being covered on the news. I remember thinking, “I better keep my mouth shut about these feelings I’m having.”

And then I met Dominic when I was 12, and people could see how in love we were. And we got the shit beat out of us. The year I met him, some kids in the grade above me held me down against the bleachers in our gym and stomped on my hand until my fingers broke. Instead of sending me to the nurse, the teacher sent me to the assistant principal to explain the situation. She asked why the kids had beat me up. I said, “They were calling me gay.”

Her response was, “Well, are you?”

My, “I don’t know,” earned a call to my parents, and I was outed. Efforts were made to keep me from seeing Dom. Throughout high school, Dom’s stepmother intensified these efforts. He slept in the basement of the house. Although he was an incredibly talented student, he was prohibited from participating in any extracurriculars. He suffered a lot of physical abuse during those years.

The day he turned 18, he packed up everything he had and walked to my house, and we’ve lived together ever since. Things are better, but they’re not perfect. I’ve had trucks pull up next to me at stoplights and, seeing the pride sticker on my car, through old drinks and garbage into my window. I no longer speak to my dad’s side of the family. I haven’t been to see them for Christmas or Thanksgiving in years. One of my uncles had cornered me at Thanksgiving when I was 17 and said, “I’m not going to judge you, but I’d be happy to break your neck so God can do the judging a little sooner.”

I joined a support group for trans and intersex people. When I joined, 40 people attended regularly. Within the year, the group was half the size it had been. Some couldn’t make it anymore, because they were staying at the shelter, where their stay hinged on them agreeing to instead to attend homophobic sermons. Some were put in correctional therapy. Five of them died. Three of those, I didn’t know, but I knew Alex, the 19 year old who was fag-dragged in Kentucky and died a day later in the hospital, and I knew Stephanie, who went home to Alabama to care for her mom in hospice and was beaten to death with a baseball bat by her mom’s boyfriend.

Tumblr is not reality. The dynamic here does not reflect the dynamic out there. Here’s the part where I finally make a point, and it might be extremely unpopular – but guys, value your allies. Value each other. We are met with enough hate in our daily lives to enter an online safe-space and meet more hate from our own, over petty things. Don’t go after one another over every little thing you find problematic.

Learn to see nuance. Maybe the word “queer” bothers you, and you see a gay man using it as an umbrella term. Maybe someone called a trans man a trans woman because they’re confused about terminology, but the post where they did it was voicing support for the trans community. Maybe someone is just asking a question, wanting to learn more. Stop. Attacking. These. People.

Allies are being driven away. Members of our own community are being ostracized. Others are feeling nervous and estranged, and it’s largely because of places like Tumblr, where the social justice movement is quickly becoming violent and radical. I am begging you, stop nitpicking “problematic” things and start directing your efforts to create real change. When it comes to comes to your allies, forget the “social justice warrior” mentality and put down your torch. Educate calmly. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be forgiving. And I’m certainly not saying that your anger doesn’t have a good place – when you are met with bigots on the street, congress members who want to pass hateful laws, violent protesters, abusive parents, prejudiced teachers, that is when you need to be a warrior. That’s when it counts. In the real world. When you have the opportunity to protect people from real harm. Attacking your would-be allies via anonymous asks is just going to lose us ground in the long run. And we don’t have time for that, not when trans women of color are being murdered every day, not when states are still fighting against marriage equality, not when there are politicians in office who believe that trans people are possessed by demons, not when we’ve just lost 50 brothers and sisters to one gunman, not when the media won’t even admit that the attack was homophobic.

Please step back. Look at the big picture. Look at where we are, globally. Don’t just log on to your safe space and attack your allies over small missteps. That’s like washing the dishes in a house that’s on fire, kids. Let’s fight on the battlefield, and when we come home to each other, let’s just focus on bandaging up our wounds so we can go out and win the war.

Signal boost to this unbelievably important message.

I’d reblog this a thousand times if I could.

Stop attacking allies. Educate. Not hate. 

This is incredibly important. Please read!

Educate calmly. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be forgiving.


Gonna Reblog this every time

raeucherweibchen:

6i:

you only feel lonely because you want something.

stop wanting. you are whole. detach yourself from the feeling of need. you are enough.

you only feel lonely bc humans evolved as a social species and were never meant to live in social isolation, slaving away day in day out with minimal contact to other people, that is very superficial at best not a single hint of intimacy, like it is the norm now lmfao no one can overwrite that by “detaching”, quite the contrary, detachment is a sign of depression CAUSED by severe social deprivation

I hate tumblr hot takes like that. our society is broken and anti-social and it’s making us SICK. normalizing this and pretending like it’s your personal failure that you can’t deal with something you were never meant to able to deal with bc we didn’t evolve to be alone is absolutely counter productive

squigglydigglydoo:

lady-feral:

ailisisuli:

niuniente:

kintatsujo:

mr-braindead:

kintatsujo:

“Don’t trace” originally started as a warning against tracing as art theft (as in, tracing someone else’s art without permission or credit is art theft) and then over the intervening years turned into “you can’t use references because it’s cheating” and I think that’s one of the worst cases of the telephone game I’ve ever personally experienced

you are allowed to trace as practice

you are allowed to trace your own work (for example photographs you took yourself or to keep architectural consistency)

you are allowed to trace things the original artist is encouraging you to trace

you SHOULD use references

you SHOULD be allowed to pick up other artists’ artistic tics you like (…as long as they’re not offensive, like blackfacing, but that’s a different kettle of fish)

you SHOULDN’T go around moralizing at other people about how they learn best because you can and will lose friends that way and you can and will hurt other artists’ development that way.

Also other than art theft there IS no such thing as cheating in art okay use sparkle pens and fan brushes to your heart’s content why is that even a thing I have to say (…and yes I’ve had conversations in the analog world about fan brushes as “cheating” I’m so tired of snotty artists who think you shouldn’t be allowed to use tools that make things easier because they can do it the hard way)

But honestly, this need to be said louder, as an artist you end up feeling like you aint getting better, trying to draw in perspective without having a guide line . And when others shame artist for using references its like they are expecting the artist to know by memory how everything works on every perspective.

To Consider that fan brushes, or custom brushes are cheating and expecting the artist to do everything in the “original” way is like wanting the cashier to charge you without using a calculator to do the sum. Tools are invented to be used.

“tools are invented to be used” well put

Not allowing using references is same as telling to a chef they can’t use recipes but they have to pull any dish in the world out of their asses just like that.

The first thing, the very first thing my photography teacher told us was “When photographing was invented, ARTISTS took pictures of cities and traced them on their paintings because hey – easier work! Why bother to work hard when you can make it easy for yourself and save your time and energy?”

I’ve been drawing for years, and I still trace. It helps me learn relationships between shapes, and to understand perspectives that are difficult. Other days, I eyeball it until it looks right. 90% of what I have on my computer is reference images. 

Thing is, use what makes you learn best. Don’t steal, but don’t suffer because someone says references aren’t getting.  

Lots of this.

I work in animation.  My boss encourages the whole team, every day, to learn how to draw the characters by tracing them over and over, before trying to draw them freehand.  It helps commit their shapes and proportions to muscle memory and actual memory.

Tracing is an invaluable method of learning.  As long as you aren’t tracing somebody else’s work and calling it your own, you’re in the clear.  TRACE YOUR LITTLE HEART OUT.

lettingthewaterholdmedown:

thatonebaritonechick:

dearbluetravelers:

indigo-night-wisp:

kintatsujo:

plenoptic07:

kintatsujo:

Me: I don’t know if I ever want to be pregnant, I’d rather adopt a kid or two that are a bit older

Someone: Are you SURE? Older adoptees present UNIQUE CHALLENGES

Me: We are discussing human beings not digital pets

Literally every child every born and/or parented presents unique challenges. It’s like people are unique individuals…..or something………….

An amazing and revolutionary concept

When people ask me, “Why do you want to adopt teenagers?” I always answer, “Because you asked like that.”

I’m real over it. If I become a foster mom to a 17 year old kid and I get the privilege of the option to adopt them? You better believe I am legally making that kid mine.

“They’ll be a legal adult in no time, why spend the money to adopt? They’ll be aged out of the system.”

There’s no aging out of family, Marvin.

“They might be rebellious or smoke or do drugs or steal things! What if they won’t listen to you?”

Then I guess I’ll have to step up and do some fruxking parenting, Stanley.

“You want to adopt problem children then?”

All. Children. Are. Problem. Children. If you’re not prepared to deal with the fact that at some point, any child ever, whether you birthed them yourself or adopted them at any age, could become a problem? Then you are NOT ready to have children, and should really just step off and let the people who actually want to be parents live in peace with their kids.

Hey I’m so glad this post is picking up

“Older children are so difficult why would adopt them??” ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFICULT GUESS WE SHOULDN’T HAVE ANY GODDAMN

I love this post so, so much.

rosalarian:

cherryseltzer:

dykealectics:

tabbytheravioli:

atiredtrans:

fun-with-colors:

atiredtrans:

daisto:

atiredtrans:

atiredtrans:

hot take: hrt, gender therapy and trans surgeries should be free

if cis people don’t have to pay to have a body that doesn’t make them dysphoric, neither should trans people

So by that logic does that mean that I should get anti-depressants and all the other pills for my mental issues for free because the people who don’t suffer from them don’t have to pay to have them?

yes

And does that mean that corrective lenses should also be free, because people with good vision don’t need to pay to see clearly, and that devices to aid in mobility for people with limited mobility (from crutches to (practical) canes to wheelchairs to prosthetics) should also be free, because people who don’t have limited mobility don’t need to pay for them?

yes? why does everyone in the notes keep trying to come up with gotchas lmao everything to do with healthcare should be free

Then by that logic, healthy food and clean water should be free because without food and water we will die. Also, without water, hygiene will be minimal therefore increasing the chances of disease.

Yes. People should have access to a healthy happy life and the whole point of a society is to support eachother and work together. how brainwashed by capitalism are you to think food and water shouldn’t be free in an ideal world.

this post is such a wild ride every time. ‘so by this logic, people should have free access to the things they need to live and survive?????????’ like yes bitch, all of it !!!

We could make 99.99999% of the world endlessly happy by not letting a handful of people endlessly hoard everything we all need.