i’ve been having existential crises for a week straight every night & can hardly sleep, also i have a bad headache for the second night in a row now, and i have some kinda acid reflux thing going on
do u ever like feel so absurdly reluctant to do things. like it ain’t even procrastination or laziness anymore u just physically and mentally can’t bring yourself to do anything. u really, really just wanna binge watch youtube until your mind numbs completely or lie on the floor and stare into the abyss. and it’s not like u don’t have “motivation” or anything or even that u don’t want to do it, it’s just. u can’t. idk how ppl just. Do Things. get up and go at it. i have to have an entire existential crisis and like, watch a goddamn motivational film or something first before i do the smallest thing. and it’s june for fuck’s sake.
it’s called executive dysfunction
i don’t say this often but: omg, i thought i was the only one, and i can’t believe there’s actually a term for it other than “i want to but i can’t and i don’t know why.”
I hate feeling like I’m not living enough. like I’m not experiencing enough
i think my counselor is running out of advice bc today she basically told me “when you have those repetitive/obsessive/anxious thoughts, tell them to stop, and keep moving from there.”
that’s kind of the problem
i can’t just “stop” having anxiety
i feel like everyone else is able to use art even as a negative vent but i can only do it if i’n feeling okay enough. cuz if i don’t feel up to it & force myself to make something it just comes out worse.
memeotional 